


Too Close to See

by allsassnoclass (brightblackholes)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I did a bonkers amount of research for how inaccurate this fic is, M/M, mashton and cashton bromance, there's a little angst but it's brief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25091638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightblackholes/pseuds/allsassnoclass
Summary: “Oh,” his mother breathes.  “You and Calum finally figured it out.”That is not what he was thinking.  He’s not entirely sure what he was thinking, but passing Calum off as his boyfriend was not it.  Still, Michael is not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.“Yes, Calum and I figured it out, so I’ll be bringing him to the wedding.  No need to set me up with anyone, because I’m dating Calum.”
Relationships: Michael Clifford/Calum Hood
Comments: 9
Kudos: 97





	Too Close to See

**Author's Note:**

> My first fake relationship AU!!!!! WAHOO!!!!! Please accept my humble offering. Something about "I told my family I was dating someone and they automatically assumed it was you" said MALUM to me.
> 
> Also, I don't know how weddings work in Australia so if they're somehow wildly different than American weddings I'm sorry.

Michael’s a pretty busy guy, okay? During tour season days tend to blend together, and he typically doesn’t have deadlines separate from the band that someone else doesn’t remind him of. So really, he can’t be blamed that it takes a phone call from his mum to remind him that he was supposed to RSVP to his cousin’s wedding.

“Shit, when is that due? Do RSVPs have due dates?” he asks, because it’s not like he thought to pack the wedding invitation when making up his tour luggage.

“Michael, honey, you were supposed to have responded already, but I’m sure if you just call or email Kori it’ll be okay. You know she wants you there,” his mum says, voice tinny on the other end of the phone.

“Yeah, I know. I will be, I just wasn’t sure exactly what I’d have going on then and by the time I figured it out the invite must have gotten buried in the mail.”

His mum sighs.

“She waited until you announced your tour dates to set the wedding. She wants you there.”

“I know,” he repeats, feeling slightly bad. Kori is his favorite cousin, and he knows that the feeling is mutual. He’ll probably need to get her a really good present to make up for waiting until the wedding is only a few weeks away to confirm that he’ll be there.

Shit, when is he going to get her a present?

“Is there anything I need to tell her besides that I’ll be there?” he asks.

“Your choice of chicken, seafood, or vegetarian for the dinner, and whether or not you’re bringing a plus one.” Michael’s stomach drops, because he knows what’s coming next. “There’s going to be a lot of wonderful people your age at the wedding. I know it can be hard to meet people since you’re on the road all the time, but Kori and I have even been talking a bit and we think that you’d get on really well with Jake’s sister, or perhaps--”

“You know what, Mum?” he interrupts before he can help it. “That’s great but I actually have someone. It’s still pretty new, and we’re not sure how the fans will react, so we’ve been keeping it under wraps.”

“Oh,” his mother breathes. “You and Calum finally figured it out.”

And that’s not.

Huh.

That is not what he was thinking. He’s not entirely sure  _ what _ he was thinking, but passing Calum off as his boyfriend was not it. Still, Michael is not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

“Yes, Calum and I figured it out, so I’ll be bringing him to the wedding. No need to set me up with anyone, because I’m dating Calum.”

“I’m so happy for you, darling,” his mum says, and she sounds genuinely thrilled. Michael already feels a stab of guilt for lying to her. “Just remember to tell Kori, okay?”

“Yes Mum,” he says. “You know what? I’m going to actually do that now, because if I wait until later I’ll forget.”

“Okay. Have a good show tonight. I love you,” she says.

“Love you, too.”

The phone beeps when she hangs up and Michael takes a moment to press it against his forehead and try to figure out how to convince Calum to help him pull this off.

“So,” Luke says, making him jump. Michael hadn’t noticed him enter the lounge area. He had actually completely forgotten that Luke stayed on the bus for a quick nap while Michael called his mom and the others went to explore the venue. “Do you and Calum have something you want to share with the rest of the band?”

“No,” Michael says. Luke raises his eyebrows and Michael feels his face start to burn with humiliation.

“Okay, fine. You know how my mum keeps trying to set me up with people?” Luke nods, because Michael has complained about it frequently. “Well, she was talking about setting me up with someone at my cousin’s wedding, so I told her I was seeing someone just to get her off my back. She assumed it was Calum, and I didn’t correct her.”

“You’re lying to your mother about dating Calum?” Michael nods. Luke bursts out laughing.

“It’s not funny!” he whines, but Luke is too busy guffawing and holding his sides to notice. Michael doesn’t even have anything satisfactory to throw at him, so he takes off his sock and launches that instead. It hits him in the face and he doesn’t even stop to complain about the smell, which means Michael is now down a sock for no reason. He glares until Luke tires himself out and meets his eyes again.

“Mate, I can’t wait for you to explain this to Calum.”

Michael groans and puts his head in his hands again. Of course, Calum and Ashton choose that moment to open the bus doors and stomp on board.

“Hey, soundcheck time!” Ashton says.

“What’s wrong with Mike? Why’s he only got one sock?” Calum asks and Luke starts laughing again. Michael would like to kill him, but that will depend on if Calum decides to kill him for his own stupidity first. Either way he takes a deep breath and prepares to face the music.

“So, I was talking to my mum,” he says, forcing himself to maintain eye contact with Calum, “and she mentioned my cousin’s wedding. Kori, my favorite one? I think you’ve met her once or twice when she came to visit.”

Calum nods.

“Anyway, we were talking about Kori’s wedding, and Mum was suggesting setting me up with someone, so I told her I was already seeing somebody and now she thinks that we’re dating and wants us both to come to the wedding.”

Calum glances at Luke, who looks like he’s seconds away from laughing again, and Ashton, whose face is surprisingly blank, before turning back to Michael.

“She thinks you’re dating  _ me _ ?”

“Yeah,” Michael winces.

“Hang on, you couldn’t have said someone else? Or better yet, made someone up and said they had a non-negotiable conflict that day?” Calum frowns.

“She assumed it was you.”

Luke and Ashton exchange a look. Michael tries to ignore them and focuses his attention back on Calum. Calum is the person who matters most right now, and he holds Michael’s fate in his hands.

“You’re an idiot,” he says bluntly, but he doesn’t look nearly as upset or surprised as Michael anticipated. “You’re lucky I love your family.”

“You’ll do it?” he asks.

“Hold on, Cal--”

“I’ll do it,” Calum says, effectively cutting Ashton off. “You’re paying for the plane ticket, though, and you owe me for lying to your entire family.”

“You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met and I love you,” Michael says. Calum rolls his eyes, the hint of a smile playing on his lips.

“Come on, boyfriend of mine. We have to do soundcheck. Put your fucking sock on, mate.”

Michael complies and makes grabby hands at Calum until he hoists him up from the couch. He spends most of the soundcheck buttering up to him, ignoring any ribbing or weird looks from the other two band mates.

-/-

In all honesty, Michael mostly forgets about the wedding for the rest of the tour. Calum had him email the RSVP after soundcheck, but otherwise it takes a backseat to the thrill of performing onstage and the easy tiredness that fills nearly every other moment on the road.

With one week left of the tour, Calum approaches him and says "so when exactly is the wedding, what's the dress code, and did you remember to put my name on the gift or do I have to somehow come up with something to give your cousin myself?"

Michael's panicked look tells him everything he needs to know.

"How do you survive on your own?" Calum sighs.

"Hey! Weddings are out of my depth. I can do everything else just fine."

"Come on, we have some time. Get your computer out and let's have a look at the registry."

Michael grumbles but grabs his laptop and squeezes into Calum's bunk next to him. They've grown since they first started this, shoulders getting wider and legs taking up a bit more room, but it still feels like one of the moments from their very first tour, when Michael would constantly seek out Calum for pieces of familiarity among the organized chaos of life on the road and being a teenager. Calum balances the laptop carefully between them, then pulls up Michael's email without asking and searches Kori's name to try and find a link to the gift registry.

"I don't want to get her something boring," Michael says, head on Calum’s shoulder, scrolling through various kitchen appliances that all look like they've already been bought and bypassing the suggestions of fitted sheets or garden equipment.

"Well someone's already gone through and bought all the board games she asked for. Maybe you should have thought about this earlier." Michael pinches Calum and gets an elbow in his side in retaliation.

"Shut up and help me look. It's got to be a good one so I keep my title as favorite cousin."

In the end, nothing on the registry seems satisfactory, so they scroll through Amazon suggestions instead and then transition to eBay. The internet on the bus is shoddy, and it keeps blinking out every time something catches his eye.

"Maybe you should just get her a gift card for an excessive amount of money," Calum suggests.

"That's not favorite cousin material," Michael says. "Do you think she'd like Alex Gaskarth's autograph?"

"Does she like All Time Low?"

Michael rifles back in his memory to see if that was one of the bands they used to listen to when cooped up in Michael's room to get away from the younger cousins at family reunions.

"I don't know, but that's one of the only bands that I think I could get autographs from in such short notice."

Calum rolls his eyes.

"What about her fiancé? It should probably be something that they'd both appreciate, since it's for their wedding and not just her birthday or something."

Honestly, Michael doesn't think he's met Jake in person before, since he had to miss the last few family gatherings due to being on a different continent.

"I have no clue what to get them," he finally says.

"Soundcheck time!" Ashton calls.

"Okay, let me handle this," Calum says, closing the laptop. "I'll figure out something."

"You don't have to," Michael protests, sliding out of the bunk. "I mean, it's my fault you're even going to this thing."

"I won't have anyone in your family claiming that I give bad wedding presents," Calum says, following him out of the bunk. They're practically touching in the small space, but Michael doesn't bother to move. It's Calum, so there's no real reason to avoid personal bubbles. "My reputation is on the line, and I won't have you soiling it because you didn't have the foresight to prepare beforehand."

"You really are the best, you know that?" Michael says. Calum gives him a cheeky smile.

"I could use a reminder more often. Please, do tell me how amazing I am."

"Well, you're better than Luke at least."

"Hey!" Luke says, pulling back the curtain of his own bunk. "Could you two at least get out of the way if you're going to insult me?"

"Stop eavesdropping on our conversations, then," Michael says.

"Soundcheck! Now!" Ashton calls again.

"Coming, Dad!"

"Shut the fuck up Michael."

"Calum is the only one in the band who isn't an annoying bastard and I hate everyone else."

"Calum's plenty annoying," Luke frowns. Michael rolls his eyes and bypasses Ashton on the way off the bus, not willing to listen to another rehashing of Luke and Calum's worst habits. He's lived with both of them. He knows exactly what they are and doesn't need a refresher course.

"What were you guys even doing, anyway?" Ashton asks, following him.

"Cal was trying to help me find a wedding present for Kori."

"Oh," Ashton says. His voice is very neutral, and it makes Michael look at him out of the corner of his eye. "So you two are still going through with the plan to pretend to date?"

"Yeah. I mean, I think it's a bit late to pull out now. The wedding's in like, two weeks. We fly out just after the tour ends."

"No one there is going to post pictures of you two, right?" Ashton asks.

"They shouldn't. Why would that matter, anyway?"

"Well, we don't want the fans thinking that you two are dating."

Michael frowns. "Why not? It's not like they'd have any right to judge. Besides, Calum and I would make a great couple. A lot of them agree."

"That's not what I meant. You're not the only one in the band, Michael."

"I know that," he snaps, stopping to face Ashton fully. "But if Calum and I were actually dating, I'd hope that you and Luke would be supportive, not whatever bullshit this is."

"But you're not," Ashton says pointedly. "No reason to stir all of this up when it's just a lie. If anything, it'd probably look bad on us, like we're just doing it for the publicity. Besides, what if you or Cal start dating someone else, and then a whole bunch of cheating rumors start going around? You know I'd back you 100% if this relationship was real, but it's not. I don't want anyone getting hurt because of it."

Michael deflates, because Ashton has a point. He's always been the best at seeing the bigger picture, trying to mediate and do damage control and twist things around for the good of the band. That's all this is, not some weird attack against Michael dating Calum.

"Sorry. No one should post anything, but I'll get Mum to remind people, just in case."

Ashton nods, then claps Michael on the shoulder.

"Soundcheck," he says. Michael rolls his eyes, because the other two are probably still arguing and therefore they're not going to start any time soon, but Ashton seems eager to get behind his kit so Michael heads off to start tuning his guitar.

-/-

Two days after the tour ends, Calum shows up at Michael’s door with a suitcase. The taxi shows up shortly after.

“I could be spending this time with Duke, you know,” Calum says on the way to the airport. “I expect to be treated like a king on this trip.”

“And everyone says Luke’s the needy one.”

“Luke  _ is _ the needy one. Then it’s you. Case and point: you’re so needy that you need me to lie to your family for you because you couldn’t be bothered to just tell your mum you’re sick of her setting you up. I am not the needy person in this situation.”

“Don’t call me out in front of our taxi driver,” Michael sulks. The driver makes eye contact with him in her rearview mirror and smirks.

“I’ve heard much worse, sweetheart. This is LA.”

They spend the rest of the car ride gossiping with her about things random people have told her on past shifts. Most of them aren’t even celebrities, because LA breeds wild people no matter how famous they actually are. The ride passes quickly, and Michael is sure to tip her well when they finally get to the airport.

Being at the airport almost feels comforting. Coming back from tour is always a weird feeling, all of them unused to knowing exactly where they are and staying put. It makes a lot more sense to stand in line for security, then follow Calum to their gate. Once they find open seats in the waiting area, Calum slumps against him, hooking their arms together and squishing his cheek against Michael’s shoulder while he scrolls through his phone. This feels comforting, too. On tour, they’re always in each other’s back pockets, always touching either due to lack of space or simply because they want to. Returning to an empty house is jarring, and Michael thinks that he’s actually really glad he gets a few more days in close quarters with Calum.

Their first flight is short, just to the San Francisco airport with a brief layover so they can catch the second flight to Sydney. The wedding isn’t for another few days, but in the interest of recovering from jet lag and giving Calum a day with his own parents, they’re flying out early. Michael passes the time staring out the window or playing a few games on his phone. Calum packed a book with him, because he’s always been better at entertaining himself quietly than Michael.

They get some overpriced snacks at SFO, and take a picture with a fan who asks where they’re headed now. Michael tells her they’re going to Sydney to visit family, and she wishes them a good trip. Michael thinks about Ashton’s warning against pictures, but they’re not pretending to be a couple yet, and there’s nothing wrong with two friends traveling together when they have the same destination. Traveling is always better with someone else, and Calum’s arguably Michael’s favorite in the band to go with. He lets him share headphones and has a good sense about when it’s best to sleep on flights that cross lots of time zones.

This flight is bigger, with two aisles separating a group of four chairs from duos on the side. Since Michael was delayed in buying the tickets, they have two of the seats in the middle. Michael gives Calum the aisle seat and takes his own place next to an older man who already has his elbow on the arm rest. It’s a fifteen hour flight, theoretically getting them to Sydney at 7 pm the next day even though they will have only been traveling for 18 hours. Michael plans to watch at least three movies and hopefully limit his nap to less than three hours so he has a hope of sleeping when they finally get to his parents’ house. He has to be strategic about this, because touring has conditioned all of them to be able to fall asleep anywhere and at any time, but he knows his parents won’t enjoy his sleep schedule if he somehow manages to oversleep here and then stay up until dawn in Australia.

“Go for a five hour nap,” Calum says. “You’re still exhausted from tour. You’ll sleep at your parents’ no matter what. Speaking of, we never actually established our cover story.”

The man stealing Michael’s arm rest shoots them a look that Michael valiantly tries to ignore.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“Your mum thinks we’re dating. When did we start?  _ How _ did we start?”

Michael makes a face.

“Shit, I don’t know. Drunk love confession?”

"You want to tell your mum that we got smashed and that's why we're dating? Michael, we've gotten drunk together a lot before this."

"Well, then you come up with something," Michael demands.

"I think it took outside influence. Luke or Ash had to intervene and tell us to get our heads out of our asses."

"Come on, why couldn't you just confess your undying love for me?"

Calum levels him with a withering look.

"You think if I was in love with you I wouldn't take that secret to my grave? What if you had said no? I wouldn't risk ruining the friendship or the band just to get in your pants. You mean too much to me for that."

Michael feels oddly touched, despite the fact that it would take a lot more than Calum being in love with him to ruin their friendship.

"Thanks, Cal."

"Anyway, we both know you wouldn't make the first move, either. Hence, outside interference from our meddling bandmates." Michael hates it, but Calum has a point. Michael isn't that shy about approaching girls he likes, but he's always been more hesitant when it comes to boys, and he definitely wouldn't initiate anything with someone as close to him as Calum. 

"Okay, how did Luke and Ashton get involved?"

"I figure we each confided in them separately about our feelings, then they ran interference getting us together. Maybe this has been brewing in the background for a while and they got sick of it and forced us to talk to each other, then when we determined it wouldn't ruin the band we started dating."

Michael nods along. It's not exactly a romantic gesture, but it's probably more realistic than suddenly waking up one morning, discovering he's been in love with Calum this whole time, then rushing over and immediately confessing his feelings. He'd definitely have a freak out about it first, and typically that means one of the others would get called. Usually Calum is the soundboard for his problems, but if Calum was the subject of them, Ashton or Luke would do. Possibly both on a conference call for something as major as being in love with his oldest friend.

"Okay. When did this happen?"

"Beginning of tour. Ashton and Luke didn't want to have to deal with our awkward nonsense on the bus, and it's a busy enough time that it would make sense we wouldn't think to inform our families right away. I told mine, by the way."

"What?" Michael asks.

"I told my family that we're dating. I didn't want your mum to call mine and say something about it. Mum would have a fit if we were dating and she found out from Karen. Mali knows it's fake, but my parents think it's real. I figured it would be easier for both of us right now," Calum says. He shifts, glancing at Michael almost nervously.

"Oh," Michael says dumbly. The thought of having to expand this beyond the people at the wedding never crossed his mind, but it makes sense. Their lives are too intertwined to properly pull this off if Calum's parents aren't also fooled. "You really thought this through."

"One of us had to," Calum scoffs. Michael rolls his eyes and settles back into his seat, touching the screen in front of him to scroll through the movies. The man next to him still has his elbow on the armrest, so Michael slumps a bit into Calum and uses his screen instead until the safety instructions and takeoff interrupt him.

They watch a movie sharing headphones, then Calum gives him his serving of the complimentary crackers that come with their first plane meal. Calum takes a nap. Michael watches another movie, then has to wake him up so he can get out to use the bathroom. Then Michael takes a nap, and Calum wakes him up for their next meal. It's a routine they have down from years of travel. Michael always feels best when Calum is the one he's sitting next to. Luke is insufferable on planes, especially now that his legs are so long, and Ashton doesn't let him cuddle.

All in all, it's not the worst flight he's ever been on, even if he's in a jet lagged daze by the end and he never actually gets to use his other arm rest. The landing is a bit rocky, but that just jolts him awake even more.

Michael's parents are picking them up from the airport, because there's no point in renting a car when Michael can borrow his dad's for any of their needs and they're probably going to carpool to the wedding anyway. The magnitude of their lie doesn't hit him until he sees the way his mother is beaming. She always looks happy when he comes home to visit, and she's always loved Calum like another son, but she's never gotten teary eyed when hugging him.

"Sorry, sorry," she apologizes, wiping her eyes. "I'm just--I'm so happy for you, boys. I've known this was coming for a long time, but I'm happy you two figured it out, too."

"Stop embarrassing me, Mum," he complains, because he has no clue what his expression is going to turn into if he tries to answer her seriously. Michael is not a good actor: Drama Queen Clifford is his saving grace when he needs to mask how he's really feeling.

"Let's get you home," his dad says, because he's the only sensible one in the household.

His parents ask them about the flight and the tour, about how Luke and Ashton and the team are doing and how Calum's family is. Michael does most of the talking up until Calum reaches over and laces their fingers together.

They've held hands before. Michael doesn't like getting separated in crowds, so especially when they were younger he'd always reach for a hand or the hem of a shirt to hold onto. They're not in a crowd now, though: they're in the backseat of his parent's car, and Calum is holding his hand because that's the sort of thing couples do, because now that they're in front of his parents, they have to pretend to be in love.

Calum squeezes his hand once and smoothly answers the question that Michael had missed while processing this information. Then he answers the rest of the questions, right up until they reach the house.

Coming back to his childhood home always feels strange, since he hasn't officially lived there since he was 16. His room is cleaner and more bare than when he inhabited it, but some of his posters are still up and the bed has Star Wars sheets (freshly washed).

"Ah, back to the old air mattress, I see," Calum says, kicking the box on the floor gently.

"Just like the old days," Michael replies. His parents insisted that Calum stay with them, since  _ we're under no illusions that you boys don’t sleep together _ , but Michael's twin sized bed is a bit small for two grown men, so the queen sized air mattress gets to make an appearance, like it used to during their sleepovers as kids. Sometimes Calum would sleep on it alone, but sometimes Michael invited him up to his own bed or joined him on the air mattress.

"Come on," Michael says. "Mum was talking about spaghetti in the car."

They have some semblance of a late dinner, but Michael isn't that hungry and Calum seems more tired than anything. The meal is just to put off going to sleep before the sun has fully set and allow his mum to coddle them a bit. It tastes good, though. Somehow, he's never quite mastered the art of making his mum's spaghetti.

"So, boys," his mum begins, just as Michael is raising the fork to his mouth, "we do have some ground rules for the house. I understand that you're both adults, but we have thin walls and I do not want to hear any funny business. There are some things about you that I don't need to know."

"Mum," Michael says, face flaming.

"I know it's awkward, but I wanted to be sure to say it."

"Don't worry, Karen," Calum says, sounding just slightly strangled. "There are some things we don't want you to know, too."

"Good. Now, that being said, I want you both to feel comfortable and open both here and at the wedding. I've talked to Kori, and she said that Jake mentioned to his family about being careful of what they post. Jake has a younger cousin, around 15, who is a big fan and who might ask for a photo just so she has one, but he's assured us that she wont post it or tweet about you two. Everyone else probably knows you're Kori's cousin but will have the decency not to bother you. It's a relatively small wedding. You'll be free to show as much affection as you want, as long as it's appropriate for the public."

"Thanks," Calum says, because Michael is resolutely chewing his pasta and trying to get his throat to reopen so he can swallow it.

He really is too jet lagged for this conversation.

Thankfully the conversation shifts more towards discussion of the wedding in general, including timeline of events and how excited his parents are to finally see Kori marry Jake, who they apparently approved of immediately after meeting him. Michael hopes he lives up to the hype, because in the absence of siblings and the existence of Ashton as Most Protective Band Member, Michael hasn't had the opportunity to give anyone the shovel talk and was looking forward to maintaining that streak. Almost more than that, Michael hopes that he lives up to whatever Kori has told Jake about him. He hopes Jake hasn't read any unsavory articles. He hopes Kori hasn't found a new favorite cousin in the time Michael has been out of Australia.

"Mikey," Calum says, and Michael blinks. He'd zoned out.

"Sorry, jet lag," he says. "What were you saying?"

"Better get this one to bed," Calum says, amusement evident in his voice. "I thought you were a night owl."

"Fuck you," Michael says. His dad coughs pointedly. "Not like that! I mean--you know what I mean."

Calum laughs.

"Definitely time for bed," he repeats.

"You both know where the bathroom is," his mum says. "Did you remember your toothbrushes?"

"Yes, Mum," Michael says, rolling his eyes. "We're adults."

"But you'll always be my baby," Karen says, taking his plate from him and pressing a kiss to his head in one swift move. "I missed two years fussing over you, let me do it now. We'll take care of the dishes. You've both had a long day."

Michael grumbles his thanks. He brushes his teeth quickly, bumping elbows with Calum in the small space, moving around each other in a practiced dance. By the time he changes into pajamas, Michael feels dead on his feet. Calum is visibly drooping, too, and glances between the unprepared air mattress and Michael's bed forlornly.

"It's too small," Michael tries to argue, but it comes out defeated.

"Please? That thing takes forever to blow up, then I have to put the sheets on still."

Michael sighs heavily and does his best to flop over.

"Make sure the covers are tucked in still."

Calum slides into bed next to him, Michael pressed against the wall to give him room. It takes a few seconds to position themselves, but they soon settle, Michael partially laying on Calum's chest, their legs tangled and arms holding them together to preserve space.

"You're lucky you're comfortable," Michael mumbles. "'Night."

"Goodnight, Mikey."

Michael falls asleep to the steady and familiar sound of Calum's heart beating under his ear.

-/-

Michael wakes when Calum removes himself from the octopus hold they're trapped in, muttering something about needing the bathroom. He grunts and stretches out, but apparently that was enough for his jet-lagged brain to wake up, and no other positions feel as comfortable as they should.

It's just before seven in the morning. Michael doesn't want to get up, but being tired in the kitchen with Calum seems like a better option than being tired in bed alone. Still, it takes him a few minutes of being unable to get back to sleep before he can bring himself to throw back the covers.

His dad is already in the kitchen when he stumbles in, reading something on a tablet. Michael gives him a nod before draping himself against Calum, standing blearily by the coffee. Calum is always warm in the mornings, and having a personal heater sounds good right now.

"Morning," Calum says. Michael grunts and hopes that the coffee finishes quickly.

"Morning boys," his mum says, entering with a robe on. She presses a kiss to his father's head, then meanders to the toaster. "How did you sleep? Was the air mattress okay?"

"We didn't use it," Calum says. "Too tired to put it together last night."

"Oh," his mum says. Michael glances at her and sees her smile as she puts bread in the toaster. "It's nice that you enjoy being so close."

"No it's not," Michael says. "We're too big for a twin bed. Calum's shoulders don't leave any room for me. If he hadn't been so lazy then I wouldn't have a weird crick in my neck."

"I forgot how grumpy you are in the mornings," his dad says. If anyone else had said that, Michael would've flipped them off, but he's not about to treat his parents like that.

"Here," Calum says, twisting out of his hold and handing him a coffee. "I can give you a shoulder rub later if it's still bothering you."

"Mm," Michael hums, already sipping the coffee. It's hot, and Calum didn't put any cream in it because he's horrible. "Thanks."

Calum kisses his cheek and Michael hides his smile in his coffee cup. He glances at his mum and finds her watching him closely.

"You two can kiss on the lips here, you know," she says. Michael feels his heart stutter to a stop and tries not to look completely alarmed at the notion of kissing Calum. He keeps forgetting that they're supposed to be acting like a couple.

"Michael's got a thing about morning breath," Calum says smoothly. It’s almost concerning how easily he's able to spin different lies to cover their tracks.

His mother doesn't make any other vague references to their relationship during breakfast, and his parents both have work so they quickly excuse themselves to get ready. Michael and Calum are supposed to take this day to fully recover from their jet lag and readjust to Australia, but Michael plans mostly to watch another movie, laze around doing nothing, and possibly go to the old pizza place they used to frequent as kids for dinner.

As soon as the front door closes behind his parents, Calum turns to him and says "We have to talk about kissing."

Michael hopes that Calum doesn't get offended by the way his face twists up at those words.

Michael has never locked lips with anyone else in the band despite an obnoxious amount of gay chicken, an excessive amount of teasing, and a few times it got really close. This is something he is very proud of. It's not that his band members are completely unattractive, but he likes to think that refusing to kiss them is a preservation of his dignity. Luke and Calum kissed as part of a dare, and there was a slightly strange period of time where Luke and Ashton would make out with each other whenever they were bored, but despite best efforts Luke has not managed to plant one on Michael and complete the set. Neither of the others have tried. Michael would have liked to keep it that way.

"Do we have to?" he whines. He's aware that he sounds like a bratty teenager, but he's going to keep blaming the jet lag until that excuse completely runs its course.

"Your mum is a bit more insistent than I anticipated. If we don't at least give each other a peck on the lips in her presence, she might get suspicious."

Michael groans and throws himself on the sofa.

"Come on, the thought of kissing me can't be that bad," Calum says. He sounds a bit hurt, and Michael shifts so he can face him fully.

"It's nothing against you. I'd probably rather kiss you than just about anyone else right now, but that still doesn't mean I want to do it."

"Well, you might have to. Hope that's not too disgusting for you."

"Hey, come on," Michael says, sitting up and grabbing Calum's arm before he can turn away. "Don't be like that. It's not going to be disgusting, I'm just being a baby about it."

Calum exhales through his nose, but turns back to him. Michael looks up at him and finds his eyes catching on his lips.

They look pretty kissable.

"How sure are you that we're going to have to do this sometime?" he asks. Calum shrugs. "More than 80 percent?"

"Eighty-five."

Michael nods once decisively.

"We should do it now. I don't want our first kiss to be in front of my mum. We should at least look like we're used to it."

Calum looks down at him for a long second. Michael can't decipher his expression, making him uneasy. He almost always can decipher Calum’s expressions.

"Are you sure?" Calum asks. "You don't have to if you're really against it. We can figure something else out."

"I'm sure," Michael says. "Come on, Calum. Kiss me?"

He tilts his head up a bit more, blinking at Calum and waiting. Calum looks at him for a few moments, and then his hands come up to cradle Michael's jaw.

Calum has always been soft with him. The hold feels incredibly tender, long fingers gently angling his head a bit more until he leans down and connects their lips.

Michael's first thought is that Calum's lips are a little bit drier than he anticipated. His second thought is that they fit together really, really well.

It only lasts a second, chaste and gentle. When Calum pulls back, Michael stares at him. He still can't read his expression.

"Alright?" Michael asks. Calum nods. "Do you want to do it again?"

Calum leans down and Michael arches up to meet him, hands circling his wrists to anchor them together. It feels a bit like an eternity passes and no time at all before their lips start moving against each other and it’s nice. It’s  _ really _ nice. Michael tugs Calum down to the couch beside him without breaking their contact, and with the new angle it's easy to move his hands to his waist and press closer. He feels a tongue at the seam of his lips and parts them willingly.

He never knew kissing Calum could be so intoxicating. His scent is familiar, his taste crisp and fresh from the recent toothpaste. Michael wants to sink into him and never stop, can already feel himself trying to press closer. One of Calum's hands moves to his hair and the gentle pressure of his grip startles a sound out of him. Calum pulls away like he's been burned.

For a moment, the only thing Michael can process is the sound of their breathing and the black of Calum's pupils. He bites his bottom lip and can feel the spit on it. Calum's eyes follow the movement.

"Um," he says.

Calum blinks rapidly twice, then clears his throat.

"Okay," he says. "I'm going to... I'm going to go. I'm just going to take a walk."

"Oh," Michael says. "Okay. I'm going to head to my room for a bit."

"Great."

"Cool."

They stare at each other for another moment. Michael wants to kiss him again. Once he fully registers that thought, he starts to panic.

"Okay, see you later," he says, launching himself up from the couch and walking as briskly out of the room as possible without officially breaking into a run. He makes it to his room, closes the door behind him, puts on his headphones, finds a very loud playlist, and tries to drown out his equally loud thoughts.

-/-

By the time Calum has returned from his walk and Michael has talked himself down from a panic attack, Michael feels exhausted. They flip through TV channels and end up watching a  _ Mission Impossible _ movie, then make sandwiches together for lunch. Calum pokes Michael in his side when he reaches for the lettuce and the ensuing small tussle alleviates some of the tension and whatever Molotov cocktail of emotions he's been feeling. While they watch the next  _ Mission Impossible _ movie (apparently it's a marathon), Calum gives him the shoulder rub promised at breakfast. It gets rid of the rest of his tension, and when his mum comes back from work she finds Michael almost boneless against Calum on the couch.

Once his dad gets home, they pile into the car and make their way to the pizza place that Michael sometimes suspects the band single-handedly kept in business during school. Conversation flows normally, even if Michael catches himself glancing at Calum out of the corner of his eye more frequently than he probably should. He files that into the Things to Not Think About Right Now box that he created this morning and puts his arm on the back of Calum's chair, almost breathing a sigh of relief when he leans into it.

They blow up the air mattress that night. Once the lights get shut off, Michael tries not to feel lonely laying in his bed by himself, Calum a few feet away instead of millimeters like the night before. He listens to Calum's breathing and tries to let it lull him, but sleep is elusive, and when it does come it's restless and filled with strange dreams that probably shouldn't feel as erotic as they do. By the time he fully wakes up in the morning, Calum has left for his parents'.

-/-

The day of the wedding begins with Michael next to Calum on the air mattress with only a vague idea of how he got there. Calum spent the entire previous day with his parents, Michael puttering around the house restlessly and helping with some DIY projects his dad started simply to occupy his thoughts. He was trying to give Calum space, but during the night he must have groggily decided against that and snuggled up to him.

"You awake now?" Calum asks, voice thick with sleep and disuse. Michael groans and flops over, shifting so he can comfortably wrap an arm around him and hopefully drift back off. Calum immediately brings his own arm up to wrap around his shoulder and Michael sighs in contentment.

"What's the schedule?" Calum asks. He grunts and Calum jostles him a bit. "Mike, what's the schedule for the day?"

"I don't know," Michael mumbles. "Shut up."

Someone knocks on the bedroom door and Michael groans, burying his head further into Calum's chest.

"Boys? May I open the door?" his mum asks, voice muffled by the wall separating them.

"Sure," Calum calls. Michael hears the door click open, but he's much too focused on trying to go back to sleep to move.

"I heard voices and assumed you'd be getting him up," his mum says. "He hasn't told you the schedule yet?" He feels Calum shake his head. "We'll leave after lunch. It's a bit of a trek to the venue, and Kori wants to see Michael and do some pictures before the ceremony starts. Do either of you need your pants steamed?"

"We hung everything up the second we got here, so it should be okay," Calum says.

"Alright. Feel free to get some breakfast. I'm surprised you both lasted this long in bed with how early you got up the past two days."

"We'll be up in a minute."

The door clicks closed and Calum jostles him again.

"Stop," Michael whines. "Why are you so mean to me?"

"Get up," Calum replies. "Your favorite cousin is getting married today."

"The wedding doesn't even start until four."

"You heard your mum, we're leaving right after lunch because Kori wants to see you."

Michael grunts.

"If you get up right now, I'll make you breakfast. If not, I'm going to tickle you until you get out of bed and you're not going to like it. Three, two--"

"Alright, I'm up!" Michael groans, pushing himself up and blinking his eyes open. He gives Calum an unpleasant look and tries to ignore the way his stomach slightly swoops at the sight of his bedhead.

The kiss is just still messing with him a bit. After today, when they can stop pretending to be a couple, things will be fine.

"Shit, should we have acted more like a couple while my mum was here?" he asks.

"Michael, you were laying half on top of me. I think we're fine."

"Yeah, but we cuddled all the time when we weren't pretending to date."

"Aside from getting naked, I think that's the best we could have done," Calum says.

Michael nods and stretches, hearing his back pop satisfactorily while Calum stands. He wanders to the kitchen after him, putting bread in the toaster and pouring himself a cup of coffee while Calum looks for a suitable pan to make eggs.

Michael wonders if they should talk about what they're going to do at the wedding, where they're going to have to act like they're in love in front of a lot of other people. He wonders if the line of Calum's waist has always been this enticing. He wonders if they should have talked more about that kiss rather than both of them running away.

It's about 4 pm in LA now. He wonders if he should call Luke or Ashton or whether that would be making a mountain out of a molehill.

Calum gets the eggs in the pan and covers them, taking Michael's mug out of his hand and stealing a sip of his coffee.

"Get your own," Michael grumbles.

"You're overthinking something," Calum says. "What's up?"

"Just... worried about today, I guess."

Calum nods and takes another sip of his coffee before returning it.

"We'll be okay. We've fooled your parents, and no one's even going to be paying attention to us. Kori and Jake are the main attraction."

"Kori might see through it. She's weirdly perceptive. She knew I was bi before I did."

"Kori has more important things to think about," Calum says. "She's getting married, Michael. No offense, but your relationship status is going to be the last thing on her mind."

Calum is right. He usually is about things like this. Michael always worries a little that more people are watching him than he wants, that every mistake or embarrassing moment is going to be recorded and everyone is consistently making fun of him. In the early days of the band, Calum was always the one to give him a reality check without making him feel insignificant, especially when being in the public eye became too much.

"Okay. We'll be fine."

"That's my boy," Calum says, patting him once on the shoulder. He finishes cooking the eggs and they eat together in silence. The morning is pretty low-key, but Michael still feels on edge. He knows that it's just his mind overthinking things and making problems for himself, but the creeping anxiety is still there.

Michael can't quite forget about the kiss, and the way that Calum had to leave the house to put distance between them afterwards.

He calls Ashton before lunch, biting his thumbnail while the phone rings.

"Hey, Michael. How's Sydney?" he asks.

"It's fine. It's good."

The line falls silent and Michael knows that Ashton is waiting for him to say whatever it is that he couldn't do over text. The words are a bit harder to get out, though.

"Is this about Calum?" Ashton asks eventually.

"We kissed," Michael says.

"I know," Ashton replies. "He told me."

Of course he did. Michael's just going to go die now, thanks.

"Did he?" he says.

"Yeah," Ashton replies. "It can be weird to kiss one of your best friends in preparation for tricking people into thinking you're dating, Mike. He wanted to talk through it with someone. I was expecting a call from you, too, but when you didn't I assumed you went to Luke."

"Luke is going to be annoying about this. I haven't let him kiss me for years but I let Calum the first time he seriously suggests it? Can you imagine his pout?"

"Ah, yes. Luke and his harem," Ashton muses. "I think he'd understand in this instance."

" _ I _ don't even understand," Michael says.

“What part don’t you understand?” Ashton asks. He pauses, because that’s not a question he has a definite answer to, but saying  _ I don’t know _ will just make Ashton frustrated.

“I feel weird about it,” he says instead.

“Okay. Which type of weird? Did you hate it and it made you upset? Did you enjoy it and that’s strange because it’s Calum? Are you worried about his reaction? Are you worried about yours?”

“Both reactions,” Michael says. “He ran away, Ash. He had to completely leave the house.”

“And from what he said, you made a pretty hasty exit to your room. This doesn’t mean that he hates you or thinks differently of you. You both needed some space to decompress and process.”

“It was  _ a lot _ to process,” Michael admits. He runs a hand through his hair, tugging on it for a second just to give him another sensation to focus on. Nothing about this makes sense.

“Michael,” Ashton says gently, like he’s talking to a startled deer, “was it overwhelming because you enjoyed it?”

“He’s a really good kisser,” he says miserably. “I didn’t expect him to be such a good kisser.”

“So you got a good kiss out of this. It’s okay that you enjoyed it. Calum is an attractive guy and you’re comfortable with him. It doesn’t have to be anything more than that. In fact, given that you still have the wedding to get through, it might be a good idea to take this at face value, at least for now. You can muddle through everything when you get back and can afford some distance.”

There’s a brief knock on the door before it opens, Calum poking his head into the room.

“Hey, we’re having lunch now,” he says. Michael nods and he leaves again.

“Was that him?” Ashton asks.

“Yeah.”

“Listen, just… don’t stress too much about this right now. You two are fine. The wedding is going to be fine, and then you’ll have some time to overthink this back in LA, where you can talk this out with Luke while he beats you at Smash or I can drag you to yoga for once in your life.”

“Okay,” Michael says, taking a breath. “Okay. I can do that.”

“Hey, text me if you need, okay? I’ll be up for a few hours.”

“Okay. Thanks, Ash.”

“Have fun at the wedding.”

Michael hangs up and takes a few deep breaths. He’s overthinking. He just needs to get to the wedding, where there’s going to be plenty of things going on to distract him.

-/-

“Michael Clifford?” a young woman asks the second he gets out of the car at the venue. She’s wearing a long lavender dress, hair in an updo, and Michael would bet his life’s savings that she’s a bridesmaid.

“Uh, yeah, that’s me,” he says.

“Great,” the woman replies. “Kori sent me out here to wait and get you the second you arrived. She’s really excited to see you.”

Michael glances back at Calum, trying to convey as best as he can  _ I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with you right now. _ Calum shrugs.

“Kori said Calum can come, too!” The woman turns to his parents and beams. “Joanne’s overseeing the floral arrangements now, if you want to say hi.”

His parents set off in the direction of his aunt and Michael feels more than sees Calum slide up next to him.

He’s wearing his white shirt with the black polka dots. It looks really good on him, and Michael already feels self-conscious about his own outfit. He doesn’t even wear button-ups on red carpets these days, but he had the feeling that his typical all-black ensembles wouldn’t cut it, so he scrounged to find one. It’s short sleeved white with black buttons, but he threw a blaser over it and is hoping it’s fine.

Weddings really are out of his depth.

He and Calum follow the bridesmaid dutifully, weaving around wedding staff and making their way to the bridal room. The woman opens the door and Michael hears Kori’s excited squeal before he suddenly has an arm full of his favorite cousin.

“Mikey! I’m so glad you’re here! You never visit me, you bitch!”

“I don’t live here anymore,” he laughs, feeling like his lungs are getting squeezed out of him. He’s forgotten how tight her hugs are, despite her shorter stature.

“Kori, can we  _ please  _ finish your makeup so you can get in your dress and start pictures on time?” a voice inside calls.

“Fine,” Kori says, pulling away. Now that Michael can actually see her face, he can tell that only one eye has eyeliner and shadow on it, and she doesn’t have any lipstick on. “Calum! You might not remember me, but we’ve met twice, I believe.”

She immediately goes to hug him, and Calum lets her with a smile because he has years of experience hugging people he has barely met. Also, she’s someone that Michael cares about, which means that Calum cares about her at least a little bit, too.

Kori drags them into the bridal room and takes her place in a chair, facing a bridesmaid with an eyeshadow pallet and a brush.

“So, Mikey, start talking! What have you been up to? What was the tour like? Why didn’t you text me when you started dating Calum, just like I texted you after my first date with Jake?”

“To be fair, we forgot to tell our own parents until he RSVP’d for the wedding,” Calum says. “It happened right at the beginning of the tour, so we had a lot on our plates.”

“Do you want to hear about some of the tour pranks?” Michael asks. That line of conversation distracts her right up until they’re kicked out so she can get the wedding gown on, making her laugh and earning Michael a lot of exasperated looks from the bridesmaid trying to do Kori’s makeup and get her to sit still.

“Hey, wait a second,” she says right before they’re about to leave. She takes both of Michael’s hands in her own and squeezes, meeting his eyes joyfully and openly. “I’m so happy for you.”

“You, too,” he says, responding with a hand squeeze of his own. She tells him not to go too far because she wants a picture, then Michael joins Calum in the hallway and closes the door behind him.

“What’d she say?” he asks as they make their way to the main wedding hall.

“Just that she’s happy for me,” Michael says. “She likes you, Cal. She always has.”

“I’m a likeable guy,” Calum says. Michael knocks their shoulders together, because otherwise he thinks he might say something incredibly sappy, like  _ I have never liked anyone as much as I like you _ .

They find his parents with his Aunt Joanne in the wedding hall. The venue has a view of Sydney Harbour, a white hall with large windows and rows of chairs that can easily be converted to the dining and dance space for the reception. Lavender and gold tulle line the walls and flowers have been placed along the aisle, adding more color with a combination of roses and some other flowers that Michael has no name for. It looks really nice, but Michael thinks Aunt Joanne might have to be forcibly removed from the hall in order to get her to stop messing with the flowers every three seconds.

“Michael, there you are,” she says, pulling him into a hug. “Did you see Kori? Is she almost ready for pictures?”

“She’s getting her dress on right now,” he says. Joanne checks her watch.

“Okay. They’ll do the first look, then we should still start the photos relatively on time. I never realized how much the wedding planner did for me until Kori decided against hiring one.” She adjusts the nearest flower arrangement again before giving up and turning to Calum. “I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met.”

“Oh, this is Calum, my boyfriend,” Michael introduces. Calum shakes her hand and Joanne’s face lights up.

“Oh, yes! Karen has told me all about you. You’re in the band, too, correct?”

“I play bass,” Calum says.

“I listened to the new album a few times. It’s very enjoyable.”

“Calum also sings the entirety of ‘Wildflower,’” Michael says. “He’s got a great voice.”

Calum elbows him subtly, bashful now that Joanne is commenting on vocal performance in that song. Calum has no problem taking compliments on his bass playing, because it’s a skill he’s worked hard on and acquired from years of practice, but compliments on the sound of his voice always throw him off a bit, because that’s a gift he had little control over; it’s just part of who he is. Michael loves talking about his singing in front of fans just to see him get a bit shy.

When Joanne is finally drawn away by the wedding photographer, Michael gives himself one second to acknowledge that he delivered the words “my boyfriend” perfectly and Aunt Joanne doesn’t suspect a thing. They're getting away with it and everything is going to be fine.

"What do you think of the decorations?" his mum asks. "Are they giving you any inspiration for your own wedding?"

Never mind. Even Calum looks slightly alarmed at this new line of questioning when Michael gives him a panicked glance.

"Mum, we just started dating a few months ago!"

"Well, yes, but I didn't necessarily mean your wedding to each other, just your wedding in general," she says with a slight smile. Michael would love to call BS, but he's too busy making a show of looking around the venue to give himself time to breathe.

"I don't like lavender," he says. "That's not going to be part of the color scheme."

Honestly, Calum looks really good in deeper tones, like that green hoodie Michael sometimes steals for the familiarity, or a deep red. Pastels also make Michael look really pasty (although everything does).

"You know what? No pastels in general. Either neutral colors or full ones. Maybe we should just say fuck it all and have everything be black."

"Yes, let's have everyone thinking they're attending a funeral," Calum says, rolling his eyes.

"Not a funeral, a punk wedding. We'll put on lots of eyeliner and the only musical accompaniment will be electric guitars."

"I'm a classy guy, Michael. I want a full orchestra lovingly playing Pachabel while you walk down the aisle."

"Who said I would be the one walking down the aisle?" he asks defensively. "Why can't you?"

"Compromise: we rig it so we walk in from opposite ends. Both of our parents get to give us away, neither of us have to pretend to be the girl."

Michael considers for a moment.

"I'll accept that."

Calum nods once, decisively. 

“I think we should write our own vows, too,” he says.

“Yeah?” Michael asks.

“Yeah,” Calum says. He starts picking at his sleeve a little, but he still meets Michael’s eyes. The conversation suddenly feels a bit more serious than is warranted.

“I mean, the whole ‘sickness and in health, til death do us part’ thing already applies to us, doesn’t it? To the whole band. We never said it like that, but we’re a forever type of thing, us four. In our wedding vows, I’d want something just for the two of us.”

“I’d like that,” Michael says. Calum smiles, a soft thing that crinkles the corners of his eyes that Michael only ever sees directed at him. He grins back.

That grin vanishes when he sees the look his parents are giving them.

"Only dating for a few months, eh?" his father says.

A new couple probably wouldn't be talking about their hypothetical wedding like this unless they thought it was a real possibility. Michael certainly has never done that with any relationships younger than six months.

"Never hurts to be prepared," Calum says, but Michael hears the strain in his voice.

"We've embarrassed them, Daryl," his mum says. "It's alright, boys. Although I hope you know that I will not allow electric guitars as the only instruments in my only child's wedding."

"Oh no. I guess I'll just have to never get married then," Michael says. His mother gives him an exasperated look, and he smiles and shrugs.

"Come on," his dad says. "Let's go out and watch the pictures."

He takes his mother's hand and leads her out and Michael turns to Calum. He doesn't quite know what he's looking for, but Calum gives it to him anyway, reaching forward to brush some invisible lint off his shoulder.

"I still stand firm about Pachelbel. We can have electric guitars for everything else."

It's enough to let Michael know that they're okay. He snorts and nudges Calum towards the door so they can join his parents.

They find the photographer and the wedding party a little ways away, using the harbor as a backdrop. Michael is glad that the sun isn't completely in everyone's eyes, because stage lights have given him practice getting through situations without squinting profusely, but the sun still bothers him. The groom and groomsmen are taking a picture right now, and Michael recognizes Jake because his suit is a deep purple rather than the regular black.

He looks nice enough. It's too late for Michael to do the type of vetting he would like, but he's going to need to ask this man a few questions before he can give his full approval.

"He looks nice enough," Calum says, because he's a mind reader specifically when it comes to Michael. "I like the colored suit."

"It's a nice touch. He should have shaved the facial hair, though."

"Maybe Kori likes a bit of beard burn."

"Please never talk about my cousin like that again."

"It's a valid point. Some people like a bit of scruff on their men."

"That doesn't mean I want to think about it in the context of my favorite cousin."

"You know I'm getting laid tonight, right?" Kori says next to him. Michael just about jumps out of his skin. No one should be able to move that quietly when wearing a large white dress. "It's a pretty important part of the post-wedding ritual, the whole consummation bit."

"I know that, I just don't want to think about it," he grumbles. "You look beautiful, by the way."

She does. Her dress has something lacy going on at the top and the skirt looks like it flows nicely when she moves. She's also got a fancy hairpiece in and dangly earrings, completing the look nicely.

"Gee, thanks," she says sarcastically. "You look good, too." She's glowing, though, so Michael knows she appreciates the compliment.

"If I could get the bride and bridesmaids, please," the photographer calls, and Kori grabs her skirt.

"Duty calls. I'm going to send Jake over here. Don't traumatize him, please."

"No promises!" Michael calls after her.

"Very bold of her to let us meet him without her here to mediate," Calum says.

"Kori knows that if Jake can handle her, he can handle whatever I throw at him right now. I'm just surprised she didn't try to interrogate you more."

"I'm a likable guy," Calum repeats.

"Hey," Jake says, jogging over with a huge smile. "You're Kori's cousin Mikey, right? She talks about you a lot."

He's got a firm handshake, and his obvious joy on his wedding day is a good sign. His eyes crinkle at the corners.

"Yeah, I'm Mikey. This is Calum."

"Michael’s boyfriend," Calum adds, shaking Jake's hand as well.

“Kori told me you would be here. We’re really happy you both could make it.”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Calum says.

“So, Jake,” Michael says. “Tell me a bit about yourself.”

It’s a short interrogation, because they’re still doing pictures and as half of the future couple Jake has to be in a lot of them. He’s a freelance journalist, started out in sports but covering more local stories recently. He has two older sisters and a younger brother, who is his best man. He has two cats named Julia and Ducktape. On their first date, he took Kori to the zoo, and he proposed one night after they watched a crappy movie and Kori shot soda out of her nose because he couldn’t wait for the fancy dinner he had reservations for the next day. It sounds like he’s a good match for her.

Somewhere between asking about the siblings and the cats, Calum ends up with an arm around Michael’s waist. Michael doesn’t notice until Jake asks how long they’ve been together before getting called away.

Throughout the pictures, a few other family members come up to speak to them when they’re not needed. Two of his other cousins are ushers and spend some time asking about life in LA. He has to abandon Calum to them when Kori requests that they get a formal picture together, and he feels a little bad at the reproachful look he gets.

“If I knew for sure you would be here I would’ve asked you to be an usher,” Kori says as she adjusts the train on her dress yet again.

“I would’ve been awful at it,” he says. “Weddings are out of my depth.”

“That’s why you’ll have Calum to help plan yours.”

“ _ Why _ is everyone automatically assuming I’ll marry Calum?” he frowns. “We’re not engaged. We’ve only been dating a few months.”

Kori levels him with one of her  _ oh-Michael-you’re-dumb _ looks that she’s been pulling out since they were toddlers, bonding by being the only cousins with no siblings.

“You’ve been crushing on Calum since we were kids. Now that you’ve figured your shit out, I’m expecting a wedding. When I throw the bouquet, I’m aiming right for you buddy.”

Michael pulls out his public smile for the picture, because he doesn’t know how to respond to that and anything else would look like less of a smile and more of a grimace to hide the internal panic.

He never expected to be panicking this much when he first called Calum his boyfriend on the phone all those weeks ago.

Calum picks up on his demeanor immediately when he rejoins his side, and skillfully deflects all questions until the cousins leave them alone.

“You alright?” he asks, leaning close. Michael can see Kori get ushered back off to the bridal room, the photographer following to take some more aesthetic shots, her assistant staying behind to take pictures of other family members and the wedding hall. He wants to curl up with Calum where no one else can see them and he doesn’t have to think about how everyone seems to  _ know _ something he’s never even considered himself. He wants to sit in the wedding hall and watch his cousin get married without feeling like there are eyes on him because he’s in a famous band and brought his boyfriend here when the outside world doesn’t know they’re dating.

“I’m fine,” he says. “Don’t worry about it.”

Calum definitely is going to worry now, but he doesn’t say anything, which is what Michael wanted.

They find his parents, then the hall officially opens for guests. Michael is already tired from standing out in the sun as long as they have, so they take programs from the ushers and get seats on the bride’s side, near the front because no one shows up a full thirty minutes before the start time other than close friends and overzealous aunts and uncles.

He checks his phone and finds a text message from Ashton. It’s a simple  _ you’re going to be fine _ followed by a heart. He wishes he could feel as confident as Ashton does.

-/-

The ceremony is beautiful. Kori cries, which Michael didn’t expect because he doesn’t think he’s ever seen her do that before. His mum wipes away a tear, too, but she’s a bit more weepy and Kori is her favorite niece, so he isn’t surprised by that one.

Love is kind of a beautiful thing, and when they say their wedding vows (the traditional ones) he can’t help but glance at Calum sitting next to him. He’s looking at the happy couple with something between happiness and wistfulness, and Michael wonders what he’s thinking about. He wonders if there’s anyone Calum is currently fantasizing about meeting at that altar, and he finds that the thought leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

Calum catches him looking and quirks an eyebrow, and Michael keeps his eyes steadfastly on Kori for the rest of the ceremony. By the time it ends and the couple get to kiss, Michael feels a bit like he’s vibrating out of his seat.

“Come on,” Calum says as soon as they’re released. “I have to get the present from the car.” He takes Michael’s hand and leads him out of the wedding hall, where a few staff members have already subtly started moving chairs to get ready for the reception.

The car is far enough away to give the illusion of privacy, but Calum doesn’t drop his hand until he has to open the car door.

“What’s up with you?” he asks, pulling a small package out of the glove compartment.

“Nothing,” he says. “Seriously, it’s fine.”

Calum eyes him critically.

“Take a breath,” he says. Michael obliges. “Roll out your shoulders.” He does that, too, and feels a little bit of the tension leave them. “You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, but you’ve got to relax a bit. It’s a nice day and Kori just got married. We’re about to go to a reception with great food and an open bar. Isn’t that something to be happy about?”

He nods.

“Then what’s wrong?”

“Is this stressful for you?” he asks. Calum frowns. “Because this is really stressful for me. I didn’t expect it to be, but people keep saying things and I keep forgetting that we’re supposed to be pretending, and--” he throws his hands up, not sure what else to say that won’t reveal his very confused internal monologue.

“Mikey, it’s okay. Even if you forget to pretend, everyone is still buying it, yeah? We’re okay. I’ll hold your hand or something during dinner and we’ll dance to a slow song and that will be enough. No one is paying that much attention to us.”

“Promise?” he asks. Calum tilts his head and smiles the crinkle-eyed Michael smile. It makes him feel warm inside.

“I promise.”

It helps, but Michael doesn’t know how to tell him that part of his distress is everyone misinterpreting moments when he isn’t pretending. It’s about his mother’s face at breakfast that first morning when Calum gave him coffee and kissed him on the cheek, and Kori’s certainty when she told him that he’s been crushing on Calum since they were kids. He doesn’t know how to explain that Calum is just like that: he’s Michael’s ride or die, his boy, the person he’s happiest around. It’s always been like that. He’s never thought it might be romantic until that kiss.

“You’re overthinking again already,” Calum says.

“Sorry,” he says.

“Michael, I promise,” Calum repeats, stepping forward to cup a hand around his neck. His thumb swipes Michael’s jaw and it anchors him a little bit more. “We’re fine. We’re going to have fun at the reception, and you don’t have anything to worry about right now.”

Michael leans into his hand and takes a breath. His eyes catch on Calum’s lips on the exhale and he wonders if he could get away with it here, when no one is around but anyone could be watching. He wonders if kissing Calum again would be the solution to his problems or make all of them worse.

Calum's breath stutters for a second and Michael knows that he's been figured out. He wraps his arms around his waist and hooks his chin over his shoulder instead, hiding himself to avoid addressing this. Calum has always been his safest place, and right now he needs to take a few deep breaths and clear his head. Calum hugs him back, and Michael deflates a bit.

"Good now?" Calum asks eventually. Michael nods and pulls away, feeling a bit more settled. His eyes catch on the shiny wrapping paper in Calum's hand.

"Hey, what did you end up getting for the wedding present?" he asks.

"I burned a CD of the best love songs, carefully curated. Then I gave them basically a guarantee that they can come visit LA and you'll pay for their plane tickets and let them stay with you."

"Cal, I'm not made of plane tickets," he says.

"I know, but in my defense you didn't give me a lot to work with, and I know that you miss her. It might be nice to let her see LA with you."

Michael smiles.

"You're one of the most thoughtful people I've ever met," he says, slipping an arm around Calum's waist as they start to walk back towards the wedding venue and the crowd milling about outside it, waiting to be cleared for the reception. Calum ducks his head and smiles again, and Michael would like very much to press their faces together and feel the warmth of his cheeks.

A cocktail bar has been set up, and various wedding guests make a beeline to it while they mill with each other. Michael and Calum decide to refrain for now, opting instead to get something with dinner and stay at the edge of the crowd and people watch, Michael pointing out people he recognizes and what little family gossip he can remember. It takes a long time to turn over the wedding hall, but Michael fills it with stories about when he and Kori were kids and their older cousin Darryl convinced them that they would die in real life if they died in the video game he was playing, and how Uncle Bill once bought a personal plane and would fly in to visit. They speculate on guests that they don’t recognize and talk about which of Kori and Jake’s friends have probably had affairs based solely off of body language until a teenager and her mom approach shyly.

"Hi," the girl says, wringing her hands together, and he remembers that his mum said Jake has a cousin who is a fan. "Sorry to bother you guys, but I just wanted to tell you that I'm, like, a huge fan and I think you're both really talented and cool and... yeah."

"Thanks," Michael smiles. "What's your name?"

"Chloe," she says, still bashful, and it's endearing.

"Nice to meet you, Chloe," Calum says, and her cheeks go half a shade darker. She must be a Calum girl, and Michael instantly likes her a little bit more. "Did you enjoy the wedding?"

They make small talk with Chloe right up until everyone is called back into the wedding hall for the start of the reception. She quickly asks for a picture before leaving with another wave. Michael wouldn't mind talking to her again later, because she was more interesting than half of his conversations have been so far today and she’s learning guitar, something which he's always happy to discuss.

“Where’s the card table,” Calum mutters as they filter in towards the end of the crowd, taking in the new arrangement of round tables around a dance floor with the head table at the other end. “Mike, where the fuck do I put the present?”

“Why would I know?” he mutters back. Calum continues his surveillance while Michael tries to locate his parents. They’re at a table relatively near the front so Michael starts towards them while Calum makes a sound of triumph and beelines to the card table, joining him half a second later while Michael glances around and finds their name cards. Apparently, assigned seating is a thing at this wedding. Michael wonders if there is family drama that he missed out on that requires this or if Jake is a control freak. 

“Mikey!” his Uncle Bill says, jovially slapping him on the back. It knocks the breath out of him, but Uncle Bill has always been like that. “How’s it going? How’s America?”

“It’s good,” he tries to enthuse. “It’s nice to be home, though.”

“It always is!” Bill says. “Mama, did you see that Mikey is here?”

Michael finally notices the small woman sitting at the table. She looks frailer than she was when he last saw her, with more wrinkles and some sun spots, but he supposes that’s what happens when you go a few years without seeing your grandmother.

“Grandma! It’s good to see you!”

She lights up and reaches for him, so Michael bends and gives her as good of a hug as he can while she’s still sitting.

“Mikey! How are you, kid? You’re so big!”

“Thanks, Grandma. I’m good!”

He feels a gentle hand at the small of his back and immediately slides an arm around Calum’s waist.

“Grandma, this is my boyfriend, Calum. Cal, this is Grandma Sherrie.”

“Nice to meet you, ma’am,” Calum says, taking her hand and kissing the back of it, and Grandma giggles. He’s such a charmer. Michael thinks his family is giving him way too much credit with how willing they are to believe that he could land someone like Calum.

“I like him! Where did you meet such a gentleman?”

“We’re in a band together. Do you remember how I would play guitar for you sometimes?”

When he was first starting, his grandparents were some of the only people he would play in front of, even if they didn’t know any of the songs. He actually learned “Dust in the Wind” at their request. Something about his grandma’s unending love and his grandpa’s enthusiasm made them the best kind of crowd and put him at ease.

“She loves the band!” Uncle Bill says. “We play your CDs in the house all the time. She likes the ones you sing in the most.”

“He lives in America, too?” she asks. Calum and Michael nod. “Oh, good. I don’t want you to be alone there.”

“I’m not alone, Grandma,” Michael says. “But it helps to have Cal so close. We’ve been friends since we were kids.”

“Oh!” Her face lights up, and Michael smiles instinctively. He’s really missed her, more than he realized. “You used to talk about him! I remember Calum!”

“You talked about me to your grandparents?” Calum asks.

“We spent so much time together that all of my stories included you.”

Calum smiles in a way that makes Michael’s heart beat a bit faster. He moves his focus back to his grandma and sits down next to her. It’s technically his mum’s spot, but he’s sure she’ll let him switch. He’s got a few years of Grandma’s love to catch up on first.

Before dinner even gets served, Michael figures out that Uncle Bill moved in with Grandma after Grandpa’s death. As the only one of her kids without his own family unit and Grandma insistent that she keep the house, he was the most readily able to settle in with her and help out. Michael knows he was always a favorite of hers as the only son and the baby of the family, and it sounds like the arrangement is working well for them. She tells him about bingo and the garden projects that she makes Bill do, and Michael listens attentively to her ramble about the lilac bushes until Calum taps him gently.

“I’m going to pick something up from the bar. You want anything?”

“Sure. You know what I like.”

Michael watches him go for a moment. He should make sure to include him a bit more in conversation, check in and make sure he’s comfortable. He’s incredibly lucky he agreed to be here, and the least he can do is make sure he’s not bored out of his mind or feeling out of place.

“When did you know?” his grandma asks.

“Huh?”

“When did you know Calum was the one for you?”

“Oh,” Michael says. “I don’t know. He’s always been my best friend, but a few months ago I guess I realized I wanted more.”

“You remind me of Richard and I,” she says.

“Oh yeah?” Michael asks. Her smile gets dreamy when she reminisces about his grandpa, and he finds himself wanting what they had. They used to play solitaire across the table from each other, sometimes singing anything that came into their heads, sometimes talking, sometimes just existing with each other. Grandpa used to say Grandma cheated at cards because no one could be that good while looking that beautiful. It’s one of Michael’s clearest memories from his grandparents’ house.

“We were childhood friends, too,” she says. “Did you know he always knew what I liked best for food or drinks?”

“I didn’t,” he says. Her expression turns wistful.

“Even at the end, when it was hard for him to remember his name, he knew how I took my coffee and my favorite kind of wine. Did I ever tell you how he proposed?”

“I don’t think so,” he says, and she begins a long-winded tale of their courtship. Calum returns with something fruity for him to sip in the middle of it, and Michael takes his hand when they accidentally brush together on top of the table. Maybe it’s the tale of old school love and a sunset proposal that’s making him feel a bit better about pretending to love Calum. It feels right, in this atmosphere. It feels like taking his hand is the most natural action in the world.

Dinner is served by the catering company and tastes delicious. The toasts are equal parts funny and heartfelt, and Michael enjoys watching Calum seamlessly make conversation with his parents and Uncle Bill between bites of pasta. He helps cut his Grandma’s chicken for her and clinks his glass with everyone else to pressure the happy couple into kissing. The cake is cut, and Calum gets him a beer from the bar once his cocktail runs out. By the time the couple’s first dance is announced, Michael feels relaxed and happy, laughing at something Calum has said and not feeling self-conscious about trying to hide it in his shoulder.

Jake and Kori chose an acoustic version of “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz for their first dance as a married couple. It’s cheesy, but it’s also quirky enough to fit them perfectly, so Michael can’t fault them.

“What do you think our first dance would be?” Michael asks, soft enough that only Calum should hear. They’re already tucked close, but Calum leans just a bit closer, and it makes it feel a bit like they’re the only two who matter right now.

“I don’t know,” Calum says after a moment. Jake twirls Kori out on the floor, and she beams before returning directly back to his embrace. “Maybe I’d write you something.”

Michael hums and tries to think of a song that could encompass everything Calum means to him off the top of his head. It’s hard, so maybe writing something would be the best way to do it. Dancing in Calum’s arms to something he knows was made for him sounds like the perfect beginning of a long marriage. For a moment, he wants it so much it aches.

The first dance ends to applause, starling Michael out of his thoughts. He belatedly joins in and hopes that no one around can see what he’s thinking.   


It’s just the environment and all of this pretending getting to his head.

Jake’s mother and Kori’s dad join them on the floor for the parent’s dance and Michael tips his beer towards Calum.

“Want the rest?” he asks. Calum takes it out of his hand and downs the last mouthful. Michael’s mum catches his eye and smiles in a way that implies that he just proved something to her. He doesn’t want to think about it, but he also doesn’t want to mess everything up, so he needs a clearer head for the rest of the night. No more alcohol if Calum offers, and no more letting himself fantasize about getting married to his best friend. His  _ platonic _ best friend.

“Hey,” Calum says, nuding him. “You okay?”

He’s way too easy to read. He needs to reel it in. He needs to calm down and stop messing everything up. He needs to take a few deep breaths and realign his thoughts. He needs to stop thinking so hard and just enjoy himself.

“Yeah,” he says. “Better once the dance floor opens up.”

Calum chuckles and pulls him up the second the song switches to something else. It’s a line dance, probably to get as many people as possible comfortable on the floor right away, but it’s fun. Sliding to the left and cha-chaing real smooth is something he can do, and jumping around to the next few upbeat songs is just as easy.

“It’s time for the dollar dance!” the reception dj announces. “If you’d like a chance to dance with either member of our happy couple, pay a dollar for a few moments. All the money goes towards a happy start to their life together!”

“We should do this,” Michael says, dragging Calum over to get in line.

“What if Kori is a bad dancer?” Calum asks. “Do I get my money back?”

“Kori is going to dance circles around you. It’s going to be the best dance of your life, and you’re going to eat your words.”

“The best dance of my life was our band dance party right after our first show with One Direction,” Calum says. “I don’t think this dance with Kori will beat that, but she’s welcome to try.”

It’s one of Michael’s fondest memories with the band. When they came back from playing their first show to that scale, buzzing with adrenaline and giddy with energy, someone turned on music in their dressing room and they all jumped around, sweaty and euphoric and needing to put that feeling  _ somewhere _ . It took three full songs before they wore themselves out, and Michael slumped against Calum to sway with him while Luke and Ashton tried to do some semblance of a waltz around them.

The line moves slowly, but soon enough it’s Calum’s turn to give the maid of honor his dollar and take Kori’s hand. Michael watches them for a moment.

“Are you having a good time?” the maid of honor asks.

“Absolutely,” he says, tearing his eyes away from Calum and sparing her a look. “Are you?”

“Of course,” she smiles. “The wedding was beautiful, but the dancing is my favorite part.”

“Mine too.”

“You seem like you’d be a good dancer,” she says with a slightly suggestive smile, and Michael wonders if this is flirty or if she’s just being nice. He doesn’t have a chance to wonder long before Calum appears at his side, swooping in to kiss his cheek before skipping off.

“Your turn, sweet cheeks!” he calls behind him. Michael mouths  _ sweet cheeks _ to himself before the bridesmaid laughs and takes his dollar out of his hand, ushering him towards Kori.

“That Calum sure is something, huh?” she says as she gets them into position.

“That’s why we work so well together,” he replies, turning her around and leading her across the floor. He keeps looking down at his feet to ensure that he doesn’t step on any parts of her dress, which is making this entire thing a little difficult.

“I know I said it before, but I really am happy for you,” she says. “Even when we were kids you adored him. I was always counting on you getting married before me because of it.”

“Guess we just took a while to realize,” he says. “We like doing things at our own pace. Maybe we won’t even get married if we don’t feel the need to.”

“I think you’ll want to,” she says. “Stick around for the tossing of the bouquet and see what happens.”

“Isn’t it just supposed to be the unmarried ladies who participate in that?”

“As someone in a relationship that no ladies are involved in, I’ve made the executive decision to include you. It’s my wedding and I can do what I want.”

“You’re such a brat,” he says, but there’s no bite to it because that’s also exactly something he would say. Kori beams at him before stepping out of his hold.

“Get out of here. I have a long list of admirers to dance with and you’ve gotten what you paid for.”

He blows her a kiss on the way off the dance floor and scans the room for Calum. He’s sitting with his grandma at their table, so he wanders over and tries to see if he can surprise him.

“--think I’ve always loved Michael,” he’s saying, and it stops him in his tracks. “I didn’t realize it until I was sixteen, but it’s always been there. We were on the plane going to England for the first time, and I remember clutching his hand during takeoff and thinking  _ I never want anyone else by my side _ . He’s my best friend, but he’s more than that, you know? He’s the most important person in my life, and I don’t think I can love anyone else as much as I love him.”

The room feels too small and stuffy. Michael stumbles to the outside door, ears ringing, breaths of fresh air coming short because--

Because that’s how Michael feels about Calum. He remembers that moment on the plane, but it’s one of a million where Michael looked at Calum and thought  _ there he is _ . His entire life consists of snapshots featuring Calum, from school to music to every time he got back from a date and went to hang out with Calum instead of going home. It’s always been like that, because Calum is his person. He loves him. He’s  _ in love _ with him.

Suddenly everything makes sense: his mother’s expression when Calum made his coffee, when she caught them waking up, when Calum finished the rest of his beer like he has a million times before, Kori’s assurance that he’s been crushing on Calum since they were kids because even when Calum wasn’t there during family reunions he was gushing about him, the easy touches between them and the lack of space in any context. He was thinking about what their first dance song would be at their wedding. Of course his mother automatically assumed his significant other was Calum; he’s been in love with him since before he knew what being in love was.

Ashton doesn’t pick up the first time, so Michael redials and bites at his thumb nail while he waits.

“Michael? What the fuck, it’s three in the morning here.”

“Did you know I’m in love with Calum?”

There’s a rustle on the other end, then Ashton clears his throat.

“What was that?”

“Did you know I’m in love with Calum? Is that why you were so weird about this whole wedding thing?” Ashton takes a long time to respond, and Michael holds his breath for the entirety of the silence.

“I suspected, when I first met you guys, but when you never said anything I figured I read it wrong. You wouldn’t have been able to keep a secret like that for this long.”

Michael swears softly.

“I didn’t know,” he says. “I didn’t know until now.”

“What happened?” Ashton asks, voice gentle.

“He was talking to my grandma, telling his story about when he fake-fell in love with me, and I just-- he was talking about how he never wants anyone else by his side, and I’m the most important person in his life, and I realized that that’s how I actually feel about him. I knew I loved him, but I love you and it’s not the same type of love. It’s not. He’s…”

“He’s your Calum,” Ashton says, “and you’re in love with him.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you okay?” Ashton asks.

“I have no clue.”

“This isn’t a bad thing, Michael.”

He laughs humorlessly.

“In what way is this not a complete disaster? Please tell me, because I can’t stop thinking about how my life might as well be ruined.”

“First of all, no matter how you act or what you say, Calum will not hate you. He doesn’t have the ability to. You will not make him uncomfortable if he figures it out, and you will not lose your best friend. This isn’t going to affect things within the band, and it’s not going to affect what anyone else thinks of you. Honestly, if you were going to fall in love with someone, Calum is probably your best option.”

“I could have chosen someone who’s actually in love with me, too,” he says, running a hand through his hair and then cursing himself for messing it up.

“That’s not as big of a problem as you think it is. I know it’s hard, but don’t worry about it. Until you get on the plane back to LA, you and Calum are happily dating anyway. Focus on that for now, and I promise we’ll deal with everything when you get back.”

“I don’t know if I can wait that long,” he confesses.

“You can,” Ashton assures him. “Dance a few slow songs with him tonight and jump around to the fast ones. Enjoy spending time with your best friend and your family. You said you’ve been in love with him forever, right? So nothing has even changed.”

“Nothing has changed,” he repeats, because that’s the only part of anything Ashton has said that has gotten through his panic.

“Nothing has changed,” Ashton agrees. He’s using his definitive voice, the one that makes it sound like he has all of the answers in the world. Michael is going to ride that trust until he can get to his LA house and feel sorry for himself while eating ice cream alone.

Ashton fails to fully muffle his yawn on the other end of the line, and Michael feels a stab of guilt at waking him up just to make him talk him down.

“You can go back to bed. I’m sorry for waking you up.”

“Are you sure?” Ashton asks. “We can talk things through some more if you want, or I can sit here with you until you’re ready to go back inside.”

“I’m sure. I think I need some space for a few minutes.”

“Not too long, okay? I don’t want you getting in your head.”

“I know,” he says. “Nothing has changed. I’m not ready to go back in yet, but I won’t stay out here long.”

Ashton makes an agreeable noise in the back of his throat.

“You know I love you, right?” he asks.

“I know,” Michael replies. “I love you, too. Get some sleep.”

“Have a good night. Text me if you need me and I’ll reply in the morning.”

“Thanks, Ash.”

He hangs up and takes a few deep breaths. Under the noise of the reception, he can faintly make out the sound of the ocean, and he closes his eyes to focus on that. The rhythmic push and pull of the waves helps center him, and he uses it to count breaths until his heart has fully slowed to a natural beat.

Calum smiles at him when he slides into the seat next to him and immediately moves a hand to his thigh. It sends a few butterflies fluttering through his stomach, but they’re manageable. He always thought he was just incredibly touch-starved when stuff like that happened before. Nothing has changed.

“Where were you?” Calum asks.

“Bathroom,” he replies.

“You missed a slow song. I was going to ask you to dance.”

“I’ll be here for the next one,” he says. “Mum will want to stay until the end, so we have a lot more chances.”

He scans the rest of the crowd, picking out his parents talking to Aunt Joanne and the happy couple, Jake standing behind Kori with his arms around her. He can't tell what they're saying, but Kori catches him looking and grins, holding up the bouquet. She points to it and mouths  _ up next _ .

"If I do somehow catch the bouquet, you're not allowed to make fun of me," he says.

"I thought that was only for girls."

"Kori's making an exception."

"Well, if you do catch the bouquet, I definitely will not be taking pictures and sending them to Ashton and Luke," Calum says cheekily. Michael rolls his eyes, but he's counting on standing in the back and ducking. He's heard that bouquet tosses can get intense, so if he doesn't try to catch it, he probably won't. "I hope you realize that Kori has decided you're the bride in this situation."

"Fuck you," he says with no heat.

"Language, Michael," his grandma says. He had almost forgotten that she's there. Her hearing should not be this good in such a noisy room.

"Sorry, Grandma."

He's spared from any continuation of the admonishment by the song switching to "Single Ladies" and the DJ grabbing the microphone again.

"You get that bouquet, baby," Calum says, patting his leg twice, and Michael steadfastly does not react to the pet name. Kori is grinning at him and motioning him towards her, so he huffs and stands. Calum slaps his butt as he goes and Michael flips him off behind him.

"Michael!"

"Sorry Grandma!"

Chloe is also up there when he joins the crowd, standing a bit awkwardly by herself, and Michael sees his chance.

"If Kori throws the bouquet this way," he says, startling her a bit accidentally, "you have to catch it, okay? I do not want it."

"Okay," she giggles. He guides her closer to the group and ducks behind her.

"You've got this," he says.

Kori takes her place with her back to the group, twisting around and making direct eye-contact with Michael. He puts his hands on Chloe's shoulders and hopes for the best when Kori turns back around.

It's a moot point, because someone Michael doesn't even recognize catches it instead.

"Oh well," Michael says. "Maybe next time, Chloe."

"I didn't even want it that much, anyway," she shrugs. "What am I supposed to do with it?"

"Beats me," Michael says. "Take it home and put it in some water, I guess."

"At least you're old enough to get married. The symbolism wouldn't have even worked for me."

Michael laughs, because she's kind of right, but he also doesn't feel like he's old enough to marry anyone still. He's definitely more settled now, and maybe with the right person ( _ with Calum _ , his brain supplies)... He shakes the thought off, because this isn't real. Nothing has changed.

"Hey," Calum says, sliding up next to him and sliding a hand around his waist. "Hey, Chloe."

"Hi," she says, getting a bit shy again. Calum gives her a dazzling smile then turns to Michael.

"Guess this means we can't get married now." Michael rolls his eyes, but can't help his smile when Calum laughs a bit at his own lame joke.

"Don't tell my mum. It'll break her heart."

He's going to have to tell his mum that he and Calum broke up at some distant point in the future. The thought makes him a bit queasy now, especially when he looks across the dance floor and sees her watching them. She's taken to this whole thing with more enthusiasm than he could have anticipated, and it might genuinely break her heart. She'll get over it eventually, of course, but how will he explain it to her?

"Come on," Calum says, pulling away and tugging on his hands instead. "Let's dance."

Chloe gets pulled away by her mom, but Calum finds an open spot on the dance floor and coaxes him into jumping around a bit. It's the type of white person music that honestly isn't that great to dance too, but Calum's attempts at dancing are endearing and Michael finds himself cracking up and enjoying himself.

"Why are you suddenly so awful at dancing?" he asks.

"First of all, that's offensive. Second of all, they're not playing any music that I can grind to and there are still a few kids around, so I don't know what you want from me."

"Oh, excuse me," Michael says. "I forgot I was dealing with Hood the Hottie. In any other context, I'd be swooning."

He's not even lying, because he's seen Calum at clubs. His inherent connection to the bass in a song gives him amazing rhythm, and he knows how to use his hips in ways that should probably be illegal. Maybe it's for the best that the dj is keeping the music relatively appropriate for the few kids who have made it this long. Once something with a decent beat comes on, all bets are off.

The song switches to something slower, a guitar twang sounding, and Calum's smile turns softer.

"Dance with me?" he asks, and Michael can't say no. He's never learned how to say no to Calum, and he doesn't even want to. One of Calum's hands finds its way to his lower back, pulling them closer, and the other grabs Michael's hand. Michael wraps his free arm around Calum's shoulders and they start to sway, an easy back and forth that feels almost more like a hug than a dance. In the background, the singer croons about stopping time and turning down the lights.

Close like this, Michael can see the details of Calum's eyelashes and can smell the slight musk of his cologne. He feels a bit like he's going to explode and Calum is the only thing keeping him tethered to earth, and it reminds him how incredibly lucky he is that his best friend even agreed to something like this, and how easy he's made it for him. It never would have worked with anyone else, and not just because of Michael’s recent revelation. No one else would have provided that perfect mixture of fun and calming, but Calum has the habit of always knowing exactly what Michael needs and when.

"Thank you for doing this," Michael says softly. When Calum turns his head slightly to look at him, their noses almost brush with how close they are.

"Of course," Calum responds, equally as soft. "I'd do anything for you, Michael."

A swell of warmth travels through his ribcage at the words, and Michael's struck by how incredibly lucky he is to have someone like Calum in his life, regardless of if Calum never will feel the same way he does.

Calum smiles and presses their foreheads together. Breathing the same air, it's easier for Michael to acknowledge just how much he's feeling right now. It feels safer, like Calum is in this with him, like it's not just his problem to contend with. He closes his eyes and basks in the moment, their gentle dance feeling more and more hypnotic with each shift of their weight in harmony.

"Michael?" Calum whispers, breath puffing against his lips. He hums in response. "Can I kiss you?"

Michael nods without thinking, and then Calum is closing the minuscule gap between them.

It's soft, but it doesn't lack intensity. He feels the same zip through his nervous system that he did the first time this happened, but he feels settled, too. It’s comforting that the first time wasn’t a fluke, because although this kiss is different it’s just as good. It's warm and almost...loving. Everything feels like Calum and tastes like Calum and smells like Calum and it's perfect. When they finally pull away, Calum smiles at him, crinkles in the corner of his eyes, and Michael shuffles as close as he can and hides his face in the crook of his neck.

He doesn't look around at whoever may or may not have seen. The kiss didn't feel like it was a show, so he's going to keep pretending it was just for them.

-/-

By the time the last song plays and the remaining guests wave the happy couple off, Michael feels tired and content. Calum didn't leave his side after the kiss, and they danced and had more cake and talked with his relatives like they'd been doing it their whole lives, which in a way they have. Kori made them both dance with her to "She Looks So Perfect," and Michael spent most of the song watching Calum scream the lyrics like it's his favorite song rather than one that they're tired of performing by now.

"Did you boys have fun?" his mum asks when they get in the car after saying goodbye to Aunt Joanne.

"Yeah," Michael says, not even bothered by the fact that his mum likely is never going to stop referring to him as a kid. Calum's thumb brushes against his hand, because he hasn't let go yet despite the fact that the car is dark and there's no one around to see them. It makes his chest feel warm.

He knows that nothing has changed, but that doesn't mean he can't enjoy this while he has it.

The rest of the car ride is quiet, with only the radio playing softly in the background. Calum drifts off to sleep and his hand slackens in Michael's, but Michael doesn't detangle their fingers yet. He watches the scenery pass by his window and lets himself pretend. When they finally arrive at his childhood home and he shakes Calum awake, he still pretends. When Calum smiles at him in the mirror while brushing his teeth, Michael pretends. When Michael slides under the sheets of the air mattress and Calum curls around him, Michael keeps pretending right up until he falls asleep.

-/-

Michael wakes up alone. It's not completely unexpected, because he sleeps late, but the longer he stays in bed the longer he thinks about everything that happened the day before and the worse he starts to feel.

He's in love with his best friend and bandmate. Everything that happened yesterday, from the hand holding to the slow dancing to the kiss, was just a show to convince his mother that they're dating and she doesn't need to set him up anymore. Once they leave this house, things will go back to normal, and Michael is going to have to figure out how to live in a world where he's pining over Calum.

The mantra of _Nothing has changed_ feels empty in the morning light. He's considering bothering Ashton about it again when the bedroom door opens and Calum appears.

"Hey," he says, smiling. It's the crinkle-eye smile, and Michael doesn't know why he's looking at him like that.

Would Calum smile at him like that again if he knew? Ashton said he wouldn't hate him, but would he be uncomfortable? Would he still let Michael cuddle with him when he wanted to, or would he pull away?

He clears his throat.

"Hey."

"Do you want some breakfast?" Calum asks. "I have coffee started. Your parents went out for pancakes. Apparently that's something they do on Sundays."

"Can we have waffles?" Michael asks. Calum frowns, because Michael only asks for waffles when he needs a bit of a pick-me-up.

"Sure. Join me in the kitchen?"

He offers him a hand, and Michael takes it but lets go as soon as he's standing. Calum's frown deepens.

He waits to say anything until they're eating. Michael kept a careful distance between the two of them during the cooking process, picking at his nails instead of making conversation. It feels tense and wrong, not at all like it felt at the wedding, and Michael hates it. He just doesn't know what to do about it, because although nothing has changed it still feels like everything has shifted inside of him and he's still adjusting to the growing pains.

"What's wrong?" Calum asks. Michael shrugs, then feels Calum's foot nudge his under the table.

"You don't have to do that," he snaps.

"Do what?"

"You don't have to keep acting like we're dating or something. We're not. We never were."

Calum blinks at him. It looks like he's been slapped, but Michael's heart feels a bit like it's being torn apart, so it's hard to care.

"I didn't even do anything that we wouldn't normally," he says. "I always help with breakfast and the cuddling is nothing new."

"Well maybe that's a problem."

"What the fuck is wrong with you right now?" Calum snaps. "Just because you're in a bad mood doesn't mean you get to take it out on me."

"Well maybe if you would give me some space I wouldn't be in such a bad mood!"

Calum laughs humorlessly.

"I am here as a favor to you, because you're too chickenshit to tell you mum not to set you up. You're the one who got into bed with me. If you wanted space, then just fucking ask for it."

“Well I’m fucking asking for it now.”

Calum shoves away from the table, the chair making an unpleasant scraping sound against the floor.

"I'm going to my parents'. Call me when you're done being an asshole."

He’s out the door before Michael has a chance to say something, but the words are stuck in his throat anyway. He feels like he’s going to choke on the waffles if he eats any more, so he pushes the plate away from him and hides his head in his arms instead.

-/-

“So,” Ashton says when he finally calls him after wallowing for a few hours. “Want to tell me your side of the story, or do you want me to tell you how much of a jerk you’re being and that you need to apologize?”

“I think I panicked,” Michael sighs, picking at a loose thread on his sheets.

“You do tend to do that,” Ashton says. His tone is hard, which means he’s already decided to take Calum’s side. It’s justified, because Michael knows that he blew up for no reason and then basically told Calum that he doesn’t want him around because he was worried about liking it too much.

“I know I overreacted. I just--” He drops his head into his hands again, unsure of how to continue.

“Michael,” Ashton says, voice softening. “You can’t push him away just because you like him. That’s not fair to him and it’s only going to make you miserable.”

“How am I going to explain this?” he asks. “He deserves a real apology, and I can’t do that without explaining why I acted like that.”

“Maybe you should just tell him.”

Michael laughs humorlessly.

“I thought you wanted me to wait to deal with this until we got back to LA.”

“I didn’t think you’d go and do something like this. No offense, Mike, but the bar wasn’t that high.”

“Let’s see how easy it is for you to realize you’re in love with one of your best friends while he’s fake-dating you,” he snaps. Then he sighs and his anger dissolves. “Sorry. I just don’t think you really understand.”

“I’ve never been in your position, so I guess I can’t fully understand,” Ashton says. “That doesn’t mean my advice sucks. You have to apologize to Calum, and he’ll appreciate a full explanation. If you can’t give him that, things will continue to be uncomfortable and stiff between you.”

“I don’t think I can do it,” he says.

“If you don’t do anything, then Calum stays hurt and upset for no reason and you continue to feel guilty and upset. If you tell him, you both finally get on the same page and feel better.”

“Then Calum thinks I’m weird and gross and that I’ve been taking advantage of the situation. I mean, we kissed again last night. It’s not fair to him that he thinks it’s platonic but I’m in love with him.”

“Michael, I promise that’s not what Calum’s going to think. He loves you, and you being in love with him isn’t going to change that.”

“It could make things so much worse!”

“Worse than how they are now?” Ashton asks. Michael thinks about the thinly-veiled hurt in Calum’s eyes and sighs.

“Are you sure he won’t hate me?”

“I’m sure.”

Ashton gives him time to think and chew at his nails. Michael knows what he has to do, but that doesn’t make physically doing it any easier.

“Okay,” he says after a minute. “I’m going to talk to him.”

“You got this,” Ashton says. “Call me if you need.”

Michael hangs up, takes a deep breath, and heads to the family room before he can chicken out.

“Dad, can I take the car?” he asks.

“Going to get Calum?” his dad asks, glancing away from the TV. Michael nods. His parents know that they had a fight, but Michael was purposefully quiet about the severity or what it was about. He feels their eyes burning on him as he takes the car keys and slips on his shoes, then he’s starting the car and driving down the familiar streets towards Calum’s house.

Calum is sitting on his front stoop when he pulls up, and Michael wonders if Ashton warned him that he was coming or if Calum simply needed to get away from the trapping of four walls to feel like he could breathe. He stays in the car for a few moments after he turns it off, taking a few deep breaths before forcing himself to open the door and step out. Calum watches him approach warily and Michael pauses a few feet away.

“Can I sit?”

Calum nods once and scoots over, giving Michael enough room to sit next to him on the front stoop. He looks out at the street and swallows around the lump in his throat.

“I’m sorry,” he starts. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you. You’ve done nothing but help me this whole time and it wasn’t fair to take out my own personal frustrations on you.”

Calum nods, but doesn't say anything right away. Michael is gearing up to continue his speech when he breaks the silence.

“If I was making you uncomfortable--”

“You weren’t,” Michael says quickly. “You never have. I didn’t even want space like I said, I just panicked and lashed out.”

“Panicked about what?” Calum asks softly. He sounds unsure, like he’s still worried that Michael is mad at him for some reason, and it thickens the feeling of guilt in his chest.

“I’m going to tell you something, but I don’t… it might make things weird for a bit, and I don’t want you to hate me.”

Calum frowns.

“Okay,” he says slowly. Michael takes a deep breath and clenches his fists, but that doesn’t help and he chews on his thumbnail instead until Calum takes his hand and pulls it away from his mouth. He doesn’t let go of it, just squeezes, and Michael takes another deep breath.

“Yesterday I realized I’m in love with you. Like, I’ve been in love with you probably since we were kids, I just wasn’t self-aware enough to recognize it. I mean, there’s a reason my mum assumed we were dating, and it’s because subconsciously I’ve been wanting to for so long. I realized that and this morning got in my head and lashed out when I shouldn’t have.”

Calum doesn’t say anything for a long time. Michael is too scared to look at him, keeping his gaze fixed on the street instead, but he hasn’t let go of his hand yet. Surely if he was completely disgusted by Michael he would have let go by now, right? He would have kicked Michael off this front stoop and told him to switch plane tickets so they don’t have to sit next to each other on the way back to LA.

“Please say something,” he says eventually, voice cracking in the middle.

“Are you sure?” Calum asks. He still sounds uncertain, voice small in the open air. “You said you just realized, so are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” Michael sighs.

“Promise?”

Michael blinks a few times, because they take promises very seriously here. He finally looks at Calum and finds him looking back with something dangerously resembling hope in his eyes.

“I promise,” he says, and Calum’s face splits into his crinkle-eye Michael smile.

“That’s the best news I’ve ever heard.” He shifts to face him, knees knocking. “Michael, I’ve been in love with you for years. I thought you had found out and that’s why you pushed me away.”

“What?”

“You really think I would have done something like this with any of our other friends?” Calum tilts his head and his expression is so soft that Michael feels like he’s about to combust. “It wouldn’t have even worked, because I’d be thinking about how I wanted to be doing this with you instead the whole time.”

“Really?” Calum nods. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Too much to lose if it didn’t go over well.”

Michael thinks back to their conversation on the plane, and how Calum said he would take a secret like that to the grave. He wonders if knowing how Calum felt about him would have helped him realize this earlier.

“So when you were talking to my grandma…”

“You heard that?” Calum asks.

“It’s what made me realize, because what you said is how I feel about you.”

“All of it was true, if that’s what you’re asking,” he says. “I realized I was in love with you on the plane to England, and it hasn’t gone away since.”

“I don’t even know what to say,” he says, letting out an incredulous laugh. He’s overwhelmed with happiness to the point where it feels like he doesn’t know how to form any more words.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Calum says. “You could just kiss me.”

And, well, Michael has never known how to say no to Calum.

-/-

They wait until they get back to LA to tell Ashton or Luke, despite Ashton’s incessant texts. The rest of their stay in Sydney goes well, and it’s nice to get some breathing space from the outside world to really figure out how they work as a couple.

(It turns out they work the same as they did as friends, except this time there’s kissing and even more hand-holding and cuddles.)

They fly out in the morning and get in even earlier, so Michael stays at Calum’s while they sleep off the jet lag into the afternoon. It’s nice being pressed together on Calum’s king-size memory foam mattress instead of the air mattress, and he sleeps like a baby right until Calum wakes him up with a few kisses so they don’t look too rumpled when Luke and Ashton come over for dinner.

Michael waits until they’ve finished their pizza and the conversation has lulled to clear his throat.

“So, Calum and I have something to tell you guys.”

He doesn’t even want to consider what Ashton’s face is doing, so he focuses mostly on Luke putting down his phone and giving them his attention.

“Calum and I figured out that we’re in love with each other, so now we’re dating.”

“Yes!” Ashton says, at the same time Luke says “fucking _finally_.”

“What do you mean, finally? Did you know?” Michael demands. Luke rolls his eyes.

“You’ve been in love since I met you guys. Calum told me and Ash about his crush years ago, I was just waiting on someone to make a move. You’re both idiots.”

“Hey!” Calum says.

“I didn’t even know!” Michael says. “How did you?”

“Dude, we didn’t like each other at school, but you didn’t start really hating me until I was hanging out with Calum. It was textbook jealous boyfriend behavior.”

Michael sputters.

“I suspected back when I first joined the band, remember?” Ashton says.

“Even your mum knew before you did,” Luke points out.

Michael looks to Calum for some support. He shrugs.

“I didn’t know, either. It’s okay baby.”

Luke wrinkles his nose.

“Are you going to be doing pet names a lot now? And are you sure you want to use that one?”

“We’re testing them out,” Michael says. “At least it wasn’t sweet cheeks.”

“I actually could see Calum being called sweet cheeks, but only on special occasions, and maybe not by Michael,” Ashton says.

“Neither of you are allowed to comment on our pet names,” Calum says. “That’s a boundary we’re setting right now. Another boundary: Luke is no longer allowed to try to kiss Michael.”

“Why would I try to kiss Michael when Ashton’s right there?” Luke asks. Michael’s not sure if he should be offended or wonder if Ashton and Luke are still making out behind his back.

“In his defense, Michael is a pretty good kisser,” Calum says.

“Another boundary,” Ashton says, “you two don’t discuss the physical aspect of your relationship with us.”

“You don’t want to hear about how skilled Calum is in bed?” Michael asks. He hasn’t had a chance to fully explore this himself, given that they were still at his parent’s house with the no funny business rule intact, but it’s something he’s very much looking forward to. If just kissing Calum gets him overwhelmed in the best way, he really wants to see how going further feels.

“I’m sure we’ll hear enough of it on tour,” Luke says.

“That’s fair,” Calum says, giving Michael a smile. It’s not suggestive enough to fit the conversation, but Michael feels a thrill up his spine all the same.

“I can’t believe you react to one look like that and didn’t realize how smitten you are,” Luke says.

“We all know I hold all the brain cells in the band,” Ashton says. “You can’t blame them for not realizing what was in front of their noses.”

Calum takes his hand and Michael can’t find it in himself to be annoyed by their ribbing. Sometimes, the best things are too close to see. Michael’s just glad the wedding finally put things into perspective. Calum look tells him that they’re on the same page, and Michael thinks it’s the best thing he’s ever seen.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at [allsassnoclass](https://allsassnoclass.tumblr.com)


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